Breaking Up with your Old Bad Habits
Author: Mike Densmore
Estimated Read Time: 4–5 minutes
Category: Reflections
Abstract: Change often begins with disruption. In this reflection, we explore how life’s difficult moments—breakups, loss, or career pivots—become catalysts for growth when met with conscious awareness. By understanding how our habits and emotional patterns shape each “dot” on our life’s path, we can choose our next steps with greater clarity and intention. The piece closes with reflective coaching questions to help you identify your own “What” and “How” on the journey toward change.
You can usually trace it back to one event that changed everything. It could have been the passing of a loved one, a breakup, work frustration, or a deep gut feeling that you weren’t on the right path. There are countless catalysts that inspire people to change. When we look back, most of us reflect on events that seemed catastrophic but were just another dot in the long chain marking the path to where we stand today and the person we’ve become.
I guess the question we need to ask is: are we happy with where we are and the person we’ve become? Does the life we’re currently living align with what we know, deep down, is the life we’re meant to be living? Are we consciously picking the dots as we go—or are we letting habits and emotions pick the next one for us?
It’s easy to float through life doing what we should be doing—following role models like our parents or communities, ending up where our culture says is the “right” place to be. At first this feels comfortable, even safe, because we’re on autopilot—following guidance and values handed down to us. But then something shifts. Boom. Life throws us through a loop, up becomes down, and we start to question who we are and how we even got here.
The real question is: how will we respond when life throws its next curveball? The easy way is the familiar way—the one our mind defaults to. But each time we take that route, the cycle repeats until the next wake-up call arrives. For me, the first time I decided to consciously pick my own dot was after a bad breakup.I realised that being on autopilot for most of my life had left me unprepared for the type of relationship I truly wanted.
I barely knew what a healthy relationship looked like beyond my parents’ example or Hollywood’s portrayal—and neither of those felt right for me. That moment led me back to therapy, continuing my journey of self-discovery. I wanted to understand who I was, how I’d become that person, and how to make more conscious choices about who I was going to become next. Just as we all have different catalysts, we also have unique paths of growth. One distinction between therapy and coaching is that therapy often focuses on the why, while coaching focuses on the what and the how.
The Why is about awareness—why we are the way we are, and what shaped us.
The What is about direction—what we actually want to create or change.
The How is about movement—how we begin taking conscious steps toward that change.
Coaches help raise awareness, break unhelpful cycles, and illuminate new options—the “dots” we may never have realised were there.
So, how do we get to that next dot when we realise that the old path no longer fits? This is the How that coaching helps with every day: a cycle of reflection, questioning, and gentle challenge that broadens perspective and reveals new ways forward. Before beginning coaching, it’s worth asking yourself what you’d like to accomplish through the process. That clarity ensures your investment of time and energy leads to meaningful goals and measurable growth.
Change can be scary—but not nearly as scary as waking up one day and realising you’ve been living unconsciously. That discomfort is a sign. It’s a call to pay attention and take a small step in a new direction. Even a shift of a few degrees can completely change where you end up down the road.
Self-Reflection Questions to Identify Your “What”
What are you passionate about?
What does your ideal or dream life look like?
What’s on your bucket list?
If you had more time to do what you love, what would you do?
If you could go back and pick a different dot, which would you choose—and where might it have led?
Does your goal align with your values and the life you want to lead?
Are your current habits and behaviours in line with the person you want to become?
Self-Reflection Questions to Identify Your “How”
How can I gather more information to understand if my “What” is the right goal?
What are the different paths that could lead there?
What’s one step I can take today to get closer to my vision?
What skills will my future self need to be successful?
Who do I know that’s already living a version of my ideal future—and what can I learn from them?
Which habits can I begin building now to move toward who I want to be?
Change begins the moment we notice our patterns and choose differently. It’s not about erasing who we’ve been—it’s about consciously connecting the next dot with intention.
If this reflection resonates with you and you’d like guidance defining your next “What” and “How,” you can explore it through coaching. Start with a free 60-minute foundation session — a space to pause, reflect, and chart your next step with clarity and confidence.
